My life seems to be a constant work in progress; and that’s the only constant- change. Why can’t I establish and maintain routines? I hear about people doing something for 3, 10, 50 years and I wonder if I’ll ever get any longevity out of my own behavior and life. But wait- would I even like that? Maybe I subconsciously sabotage myself. I’m sure that has to be part of it. Consistency is an enemy that I long for. I hate you, you boring old wretch…but I need you, please stay.
I’ve got to reevaluate my station. Where am I at and where do I want to be?
I’ve been feeling this deep itch that I’m supposed to be doing more with my life than I am; that I should be working on moving mountains, not just keeping the house clean. But I’ve come to realize that my purpose is these kids and this family. Does that mean I ignore myself and my needs? No, it just means I need to relax and go with the flow right now. I can’t even narrow what I want to do down to 5 things…I’m obviously not ready to start doing it. I’m pressuring myself and I’m pretty sure I’m allergic to pressure, so why would I do it to myself?!
Raising these kids gives me time rather than steals it. I won’t be “used up” or too old by the time I get myself back. I will merely be READY. PREPARED. SURE OF MYSELF.
Being a stay at home mom will show me which way I want to go rather than cloud it.
This is good. I’m very grateful and fortunate not only to have this time, but to have realized that I have it.
I had a cute little blog a couple years back, I enjoyed it. I would make my little projects, show them off, feel good, it was good. I need to get back to that place. That’s why I’m here now, I need to chronicle something cool and feel good about it. I also need to get on myself to start making again, what better way to motivate or have reason, but a blog? (Crap. I really hope I don’t say this and then dissappear again. It’s embarrassing. )
So, I will be here to share. From the privacy of my anonymous blog, because I don’t share on social media because it creeps me out. I gotta share with someone I suppose.
Some things on my mind to look out for:
- Amigurumi & other crochet
- Cheap DIY and make it yourself type projects
- Random crap from my head
- Tarot and other mystical things
- My progress and thoughts on becoming a person
More to come.
Please bear with my random writing. ..maybe I’ll get better.
Yours Truly, ElleDee ❤